post-thanksgiving thanksgiving dinner

today is sunday, november 29.

wow that means its only 12 days until my early 20's are DEAD. forever. i talked to matt about it, and he says i cant make myself a cake, it would be way too sad. so can i buy myself a cake? im not even gunna ask him; a gurls gotta eat some cake on her bday and ill do it in secret shameful aloneness if i have to. and i will be so sad on my birthday because i am all alone, but then i will eat a whole cake all to myself and be totally stoked cause i dont have to share. but then ill be sad again cause ill feel like a fat ass. but then ill be happy cause i will read all the nice birthday letters my friends have sent me (hint hint)!!!!

last night i went to a thanksgiving dinner hosted by the other americans who live here in vitoria. i made ranch dip with veggies, and it was totally deliciously exotic, because spain doesnt have ranch. weird! so we had turkey and mashed taters and green beans and corn and stuffing! homemade stuffing cause they dont sell the boxed kind here (stupid spain). but yes, we all decided that its totally lame that we only eat stuffing once a year, cause its totally everyones favorite dish of holiday flavor. yum yum i dont think i should learn the recipe because i will totally try to make it once a week and all it really is is bread and butter and seasoning. i guess it has a vegetable component, celery, but not enough to make it ok to eat 3 times a day for 4 days in a row. oh i also brought to the party two bottles of champagne that cost $1.50 each and you all know how much i enjoy a good bottle of champagne. and guess what i didnt just enjoy a good bottle i enjoyed TWO good bottles and so needless to say i had a very pleasant evening.

i didnt take any pictures of our dinner, but you all know what thanksgiving food looks like. so above is a picture of my apartment building. thats my apartment on the top story on the left. and sorry i know i already posted a picture of a sunrise from my bedroom window, but this is another one. i love watching the sun rise, and it rises a little later here for some reason? when i get ready for work in the morning and the sun is rising all beautiful like, i get all excited to be alive. cause its like totally beautiful and shit, you know?

black friday is not as black metal as one would hope

today is friday, november 27.

happy belated thanksgiving everyone. yesterday totally wasnt thanksgiving here, it sucked! yeah they dont even know what thanksgiving means, or that its a holiday in the US. like whaaa? you dont have all of americas holidays memorized? well fricken get with, we're like the most important country in the universe, arent we? some people have heard of it, if i tell them what it is in spanish: el día de la acción de gracias. the direct translation for that from spanish to english is 'the day of the action of giving thanks'. which sounds pretty lame, so i pretty much just say thanksgiving but with a spanish accent, which probably sounds even lamer. so yesterday was pretty sucky, cause i knew everyone was hanging out in america eating american food, and having THE MOST AWESOME DAY OF THEIR LIVES, and i was here, in spain, where they dont even sell pumpkin cheesecake. how, you may ask, can someone survive in a land that doesnt even sell novelty flavored cheesecakes (my favorite is bubblegum)???? well all i can do it try to live my life as normally as possible, and each day it gets a little easier. so as a special thanksgiving treat, i decided to order my first pizza! ooo i was super nervous because it sucks speaking spanish over the phone and i didnt want the anonymous pizza worker to think i was an idiot. and i know its silly, but i felt like a total fat ass ordering a whole pizza just for me. and for some reason i always think they know! like when i call in they can totally hear my alone and fatassedness in my voice! im paranoid! i know! so anyways, the ordering went really well, i think the anonymous pizza guy was kinda flirting with me, which was weird, cause couldnt he tell i was foreign (and thus occupying the status level of a fricken LEPER in this country)?? so my pizza came, it was good, i got corn, pineapple, and mushrooms. and i had a very pleasant thanksgiving, with or without a pumpkin double chocolate swill with carmel chips and fudge lining cheesecake! (oh man but that would have been rad...)

i just at a 1/4 of a head of cabbage and guess what...

today is monday, november 23.

i dont even want to write about what happened at the show last night. cause nothing happened. nope, absolutely nothing. i went, i watched, a weird boy talked to me for a minute, i drank 1 beer, i said hello to my spanish acquaintances, and then i left crying and looking really stupid with liquid eyeliner and mascara running down all over my face. oh great i hope a whole bunch of people saw that. yes, so i got a little emotional last night. but sometimes its just too much to handle. i am trying to make the best of my time here, stay positive, keep my head up, and laugh at every stupid little thing that i actually want to cry at. and i do alright at it. spain is so rad! i just wish that it wasnt so lonely. it would be great to know just one person. to have just one measly little person to call a friend. like, oh i dont know, maybe someone to go get lunch with. or someone to drink an occasional cup of coffee with, or to invite me to get a beer. is that really so much to ask? and i know this is a horrible thing to admit to, but whenever i get discouraged about something, and then try to be undiscouraged about said thing, a line from the song "the sign" by ace of base plays in my head:

no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong.

god sorry how horrible was that that i just quoted ace of base? no but really i do think about that line all the time. like, when im running away from a surf rock party, and crying and being mopey and sad that no one will talk to me, what am i thinking was going to happen? like someone is going to come up to me and force their friendship upon me and make me be their best friend and make me hang out with them all the time? these people already have friends. they probably like the friends they already have just as much as i like the friends that i already have (whoa not possible, but still, they probably like their friends a lot). no one is going to see a sad little foreign girl with weird hair and NO sense of style (spanish style is WACK, and luckily i dont have it) and try to be friends with me. no one is going to try and make me happy. its up to me to drag myself up into the light where i belong.

oh man! im such a cheezeball!

oh and p.s. i got an email from best friend kaitlin today. shes working at an organic, sustainable community outreach center in costa rica, trying to make the world a better place for us all. and with quotes like this, she DOES force me to be happy, even when i dont want to be, cause i cant help but laugh when i read her emails:

"and if i have learned one major thing here its that i dont ever want to be a farmer."

im glad to hear you are doing well kaitlin. love you girl.

im getting carpel tunnel

today is sunday, november 22.

i am listening to a modest mouse/at the drive in/saves the day tape that adam made for me 9 years ago. cause im old as shit.

last night i went and saw new moon. by myself. cause im a fricken dork.

today i am going to a surf party, as in surf music party, alone. because im a loser and i have no friends.

the party is at el abuelos, my 'friend' pablo's rock 'n roll bar. i put the word friend in quotes because we are only kinda friends. fake friends if you will. like its totally a forced friendship; anytime i see him out i just attach myself to him and make him hang out with me. its like a little kid following their older sibling around. i think he thinks im okay, but he mostly thinks im annoying cause i follow him around like a puppy. whatever, i have no shame. and i also make him be friends with me by giving me stuff and letting me borrow stuff. i mean thats what real friends are for, right? so when i moved into my apartment there was a stereo system in the living room that obviously wasnt being used. i asked the landlord if i could put it in my room, and she told me that i could, but it didnt work. but it did work! someone had just cut the speaker wires, but that would be easy to repair. so i could have gone to the electronic store and bough speaker wire, yeah that would have been easy. but this was a great friend opportunity! i told pablo my dilemma, and i may have exaggerated a little bit ("i only need a little bit and i dont want to go and buy a whole roll of speaker wire, you know?") so yes, he had speaker wire, and sure, he would give me some. and he did! he remembered and everything and brought it to the bar to give me. and then i asked him to borrow a screwdriver! haha that probably doesnt sound as exciting to you as it did to me. oh my god i am pathetic. i sealed the friendship deal by borrowing a screwdriver. i am such a weirdo. but now i have a working stereo, and i can listen to my tapes at obnoxiously loud levels of volume. and pablo has to be my friend, cause one time he let me borrow a screwdriver. im so sneaky.

zem showzen

today is saturday, november 21.

i dont feel well.

last night i went to a punk show at a metal bar. it was terrifying. 90% of the people there were under the age of 20, but i guess that was to be expected. the bartender had dreadlocks down to his butt and he was wearing a slipknot shirt. i am not judging. i am simply making an observation. if you thought that i wrote that to make fun of him, shame on you, you are so judgmental. so yes, the band was not half bad. i kinda know the guitar player/singer, but not his name or anything, we just do the whole head nod recognition thing when we see each other at shows. but anyways. the show was so weird! i mean there was quite a lot of people there, and the place was pretty small, so there wasnt that awkward space that develops between the band and the people listening to the band when there arent a lot of people at a show. the band played a few cover songs, one was for sure parálisis permanente, which was rad cause i love them. and they played something else that people appeared to know which was cool or whatever. and the beer was way cheap, like 2 dollars a pint. okay, so decent music, a decent amount of people, at least a few songs that people probably knew the lyrics to (i mean even i knew the lyrics to at least one song), and cheap beer. so far so good. ok so here is what made it so strange. no one moved! not even a little! its not like, 'oh, there wasn't like a circle pit or anything, but people were still having fun.' no. no no no. people stood totally still, staring straight ahead. no head bobbing, no playful friend pushing, no highschool girls dancing with each other in the front, no pogoing, no over aggressive old dude pissing everyone off. nope. just pretty alright punk music played to a room full of really bored looking kids. LAME. it really made me miss my home sweet home in the way funner than i ever realized US of A. and california. i miss california.

Well, I'm going out west out on the coast
Where the California SHOWS are really the most

USA USA USA

today ive done nothing

today is friday, november 20.

i have done nothing today. well, okay, i did a few things:

i drank a cup of coffee

i ate some cereal

i went to 1 of 2 thrift stores in town

i found rad shit at the thrift store!

yeah it was really exciting actually, because i was kinda having thrift shopping withdrawals. so yes, first find: a bad brains tape! cool! then lou reed, transformer. awesome! and siouxie and banshees, kaleidoscope! which turned out to not be siouxie and the banshees after all. and bad brains turned out to be... quickness. blah! okay so 1/3, that snot so bad!

then i ate soup.

then i took a nap.

then i drank more coffee.

then i talked to my mom.

now i am going to a show, wish me luck...

too much free time

today is friday, november 20.

and the title of this blogentry is terribly appropriate. i really do have a lot of free time on my hands. enough free time that i can walk 20 minutes to my nearest milk vending machine to buy my milk, instead of buying regular old boring regular milk at the grocery store across the street from my house. no way, too boring, wont do it. must walk 20 minutes to milk vending machine. sorry convenience, im in it for style.

so here is a picture of yesterdays bounty. once a week i make the trek to this awesome organic farmers market that is hidden away in the deserted top story (so no one can find it, its a conspiracy!) of this somewhat dilapidated market building. there are only three stalls, and i always go to the old hippy man who is missing teeth cause, i don't know, i imagine him to be like, the penny rimbaud of spanish organic farmers or something. so anyways. in this building there is also a milk vending machine where you can purchase a plastic or glass (way more ELF) 1L bottle and fill it for 1€. it's nuts. so above you can see my totally stylish milk bottle, my organic fruit and vegetable selection for the week, and, oh wait. what is that you see in the background? some sort of shinny topped bottle of some sort? oh yes. thats brandy. you knew i wouldn't let you down.

katie d, sin amigos(that was a movie reference?)

today is thursday, november 19.

im starting to get a bit frustrated about this whole 'making friends' thing. im doing such a good job at trying, im really making an effort, and so far, nothing has come of it. i mean, you all know me, how often do i really want to 'go out' at night, and like, party? umm, yeah. im much more of a 6 dvds at a time from netflix type of woman; a tall can at home with the ladies kind of girl. so forcing myself to go out, speak, look at people, and have people look at me, well, its all quite a challenge. but im doing it damnit! against my will! last night i went to the library and picked up the third book in the 'northern lights' series (ladies...) and, even though i had all the want in the world to stay home and start/finish it all in one night, i set it down, unopened, put on a dress on, did my fucking hair, put makeup on (yes, makeup), and walked my ass to the bar in 42 degree freezing cold weather. and for what!? even colder stares and, well, cold beer. i guess that wasn't too horrible. but still! its wearing me out. geez, someone be friends with me already!

so i know its embarrassing to post a picture of yourself on your own blog, but listen, im going to do some theologizing and it has to do with how adorable i have been looking lately (thanks to all my FREE TIME CAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING FRIENDS). but really, how cute do i look? im not trying to sound conceited (wow kinda unavoidable at this point.) but i mean, how come people don't look at me and say, 'wow, that girl is adorable, i want to be friends with her' ?? i mean, i say that to myself all the time about other people! am i not as adorable as i think?! anyways, so spain is helping to prove, once again, my 'men don't want to be friends theory'. and if you haven't heard me bitch about this ever, which im sure the majority of you have, if not once then a few times, then i shall sum it up for you here. men dont want to be friends with women. well actually its more like, men dont want to be friends with women they dont want to have sex with. now, like every good rule, there are quite a few exceptions. if you have been friends with the dude since highschool (kyle who is the best) or since junior high (willy! eww!) then you can be friends without any stupid sex complications. if this dude has dated or is currently dating one of your friends, then you can also be friends without sex complications. if the dude wants to have sex with one of your friends, then you kinda get out of having any sex complications, but hey, your friend still has to deal with it so that kinda sucks. matt graciously pointed out to me a 'co-worker clause', and im going to say thats a 'half-exception', because, well, i proved him wrong by showing him the example of, well, uhhhhh me and him. hmm, what else? i dont know, there are a few other exceptions, i mean homosexuality is kinda a given, or asexuality (seth only kinda fits into this category, kinda), umm, i don't know i am sure there are other exceptions but i could probably argue my point against any of them. so anyways, back to my original point. i can't make friends here, because the boys just want to have sex with me, and thus not be friends, and the girls just want to beat me up or hate me, cause the boys/their boyfriends want to have sex with me and i am competition. so yes, woe is me. feel sorry for me, starting. . . now! no but really its kinda cool getting to travel the world and test your scientific theories on foreign soil. and even though its pretty cool to be so smart and have all your theories proven to be correct, it actually sucks really bad, cause i dont have any friends. ha.

i have THEE INTERNET

today is wednesday, november 18.

on my walk to work this morning, i listened to 'horn the unicorn' (wmt 04) by our dear friend ty segall. i was feeling a bit nostalgic, and kinda crazy.

i came to this conclusion:

life is super fucked up and rad.

autumn always turns me wild!

san sebastian/donostia/donosti

today is friday, november 6.

i am in san sebastian. i was here last weekend, and now i am back, because last night we had tickets to see "Død Snø" at the annual horror film festival. it was awesome! as you can see from this fine foto i have posted here, the theater is really cool and old and the festival is a pretty big deal. the movie started at 12:30 so after trying to waste some time drinking beer at a german bar that was playing techno, we showed up to find a huge mass of people hanging out in front, everyone wearing black, the occasional hipster milling about, and tons of nerds! it was all so exciting. so yes, being that its an old theater, it is obviously super neat inside, and our seats were upstairs on the balcony. they sell beer at the theater (duh, this is spain!), and the screenwriter and producer where there from norway, and everyone was being wild and yelling and saying stupid stuff the whole time. oh and in the foto there is what i understood to be frankenstein dressed up as santa claus? yeah i dont really get it either.

but ... san sebastian is beautiful, it feels a lot like san clemente. except like, medieval and freezing cold. but there are tons of surfers here, including lots of ladies, which is rad. eric and i hiked up the mountain behind his house, and i was moved...

but i really like vitoria, and i kinda can't wait to get home? aww how cute its growing on me...

today is sunday, november 1.

there are punks in vitoria! well at least 1! and she or he left this amazing tag for me to find, just around the corner from my flat. now i know you are thinking to yourself, "why are the anarchopunks in the shower?" and i myself pondered this same question as i stood and stared while everyone who passed looked at me as though i was insane (as usual). but i just didn't get it; i love anarchopunks, but i hate showers. and then suddenly the geniusness of the tag dawned on me: the anarchopunks weren't in the ducha, they were in a lucha. they were in a struggle, not in the shower! and then some clever passerby decided that the anarchopunks had a rather offensive smell, as they are usually known to have, and changed the tag to shower. anarchopunks in the shower. awesome. i laughed for 10 minutes straight. aww spain, yer so funny.