i just at a 1/4 of a head of cabbage and guess what...

today is monday, november 23.

i dont even want to write about what happened at the show last night. cause nothing happened. nope, absolutely nothing. i went, i watched, a weird boy talked to me for a minute, i drank 1 beer, i said hello to my spanish acquaintances, and then i left crying and looking really stupid with liquid eyeliner and mascara running down all over my face. oh great i hope a whole bunch of people saw that. yes, so i got a little emotional last night. but sometimes its just too much to handle. i am trying to make the best of my time here, stay positive, keep my head up, and laugh at every stupid little thing that i actually want to cry at. and i do alright at it. spain is so rad! i just wish that it wasnt so lonely. it would be great to know just one person. to have just one measly little person to call a friend. like, oh i dont know, maybe someone to go get lunch with. or someone to drink an occasional cup of coffee with, or to invite me to get a beer. is that really so much to ask? and i know this is a horrible thing to admit to, but whenever i get discouraged about something, and then try to be undiscouraged about said thing, a line from the song "the sign" by ace of base plays in my head:

no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong.

god sorry how horrible was that that i just quoted ace of base? no but really i do think about that line all the time. like, when im running away from a surf rock party, and crying and being mopey and sad that no one will talk to me, what am i thinking was going to happen? like someone is going to come up to me and force their friendship upon me and make me be their best friend and make me hang out with them all the time? these people already have friends. they probably like the friends they already have just as much as i like the friends that i already have (whoa not possible, but still, they probably like their friends a lot). no one is going to see a sad little foreign girl with weird hair and NO sense of style (spanish style is WACK, and luckily i dont have it) and try to be friends with me. no one is going to try and make me happy. its up to me to drag myself up into the light where i belong.

oh man! im such a cheezeball!

oh and p.s. i got an email from best friend kaitlin today. shes working at an organic, sustainable community outreach center in costa rica, trying to make the world a better place for us all. and with quotes like this, she DOES force me to be happy, even when i dont want to be, cause i cant help but laugh when i read her emails:

"and if i have learned one major thing here its that i dont ever want to be a farmer."

im glad to hear you are doing well kaitlin. love you girl.